Will work for…job

Imagine a reality show starring a fresh out of university chump who thinks the cameras are on him to show how charming he is as he tries to find a job – only they’re instructed to stand idly by and capture all the missteps that invariably lead him into oncoming traffic.

That sums up my blog nicely.

I graduated this past May from George Mason University with a degree in Marketing. To give you an indication of how sordid this journey will be: I had to attend summer school immediately after graduation because I was 3 credits shy of fulfilling my course requirements. So yeah, I walked across the stage and partook in the joyous celebrations for a degree that I hadn’t finished earning, cap and gown and all. Despite feeling like I was part of the preseason celebration for the 2011 Miami Heat, I was feeling pretty good about myself.

My summer professor said to us on the first day:  “As a graduate, you are now part of an elite group.”  Inspired words — not only was I a graduate, but two days after finishing my summer course, I discovered that I am woefully unqualified.

The first indication was the internship I applied for with an agency in Chantilly. They responded by wanting to know me. Not typical employer stuff like previous experience or how much schooling I have had, no – they wanted to know the social media me. They requested my Facebook, Twitter, and any blogs I have been a part of to gauge my online presence.

Uh oh.

Now I am not a private person by any means, but my social media experience consists of me logging on to Facebook and clicking through scores of albums of people I don’t keep in touch with or playing spectator to the occasional spat between strangers in the comments section. It’s not that I don’t have anything to say, it’s just I couldn’t think of anyone who would benefit from my thoughts on Chic-Fil-A not tasting the rainbow (I’m all for gay rights, so I’ll eat my waffle fries disapprovingly.)

Well, as you can tell, my first order of business is to get on this social media train and figure it all out. So, whether my friends like it or not, they better prepare to know what I had for lunch in graphic detail and how I feel when 5 Guys comes out supporting the transgender community (somehow I feel this is inevitable).

Thanks for reading this far. I will attempt to be as enlightening and interesting as one can be as they scramble to find a respectable job. If you think I am just another idiot jumping up and down waving my arms erratically for attention in cyberspace, I am. Feel free to ignore me.

However, if you decide to stick around, here are 3 reasons you should continue to read my stuff:

1.)   You are in the same boat as I am, looking for employment

2.)   You think you have a sucky life and want to feel better by seeing someone suck even worse

3.)   You are a hiring manager that desperately needs a new employee by lunchtime Monday

Now off to the intersection, wish me luck….


You can almost hear me saying through gritted teeth: “I’m so screwed”



2 responses to “Will work for…job”

  1. Jellybeans says :

    welcome to the cyber world, now you are not as lame.
    enjoyed reading it.

  2. Ferris Kaplan says :

    Phi: Thanks for the nice note. You should know that your fears are totally natural. Every graduate has been in your spot–pushed out after 16 years of a school routine. Some continue for a few more to get their graduate degree. Knowing not what you want to do next is typical. Very few quickly get jobs in their major. You will find your passion so accept as many opportunities as possible to find your niche. Seems sucky now but will get better. Keep blogging–it’s a good catharsis for you and source of amusement for us.

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